so i havent updated in forever, havent felt like it, havent cared, whatever. but i just had a bad day..havent stopped crying off and on since about 5 30ish today.

1. had a horrible day at school, and zac wasnt there and i even wrote him a front and back  note and brought in the jack johnsons cds for hi. and i think he wasnt there because of me

2. indoor track, not too bad, w/e

3. in the car with madre, go to roberts game in watertown, then started talking to my mom, got into a disagreement about me getting a job, she obviously didnt friggin like it and grounded me for a week, w/e not too long

4.BUT she took my friggin cell phone away, which means that i cant really talk to liz until i friggin go down to nj, which sucks, bc not meaning to sound lesbian or anything, but talking to her is one of the only thing that makes me happy lately, shes just got this wat of making you laugh ur ass off..lol

5. im going down to nj for a FAMILY holiday a week from now

6. im not sure if i made the worst mistake of my life or not last night

7. i just hurt one of the people that means the most to me, and i feel worse about it than i felt for anything, in a longgg while that i can remember besides that time i puked when i was so stressed

8. im starting to wish i never moved to ny, again..i mean yea, no regrets, theres no use living ur life like that, but iv just been missing everything about nj. the school, the oppurtunities, the lifestyle, the fact that i dont live in the middle of nowhere, the ocean..just..soo much. and seriously..i didnt go through with all the legal bullshit because i didnt want to ruin the relationship i had with my mom, but i dont even know if we have one anymore

9. anything i could possibly ever do for my parents, its not good enough..i dont even wnat to get into that right now..friggin..just ..meh

10. i havent felt at home anywhere..for so long..i dont even remember what it feels like

i dont even know anymore

and throughout all of this bullshit thats been going on in my mind all day, i just wanted to give the kid a friggin hug..
what am i supposed to think about that?!?

fuck it all..theres nothing i can even do about most of that shit

i just cant wait until i get to go to college..seriously..

so im reading other ppl's xangas, and im like wow these ppl suck they havent updated in forever, and then i realize its been even longer since i updated and im trying to procrastinate doing my history, even though i shouldnt, so i figured i would update

i just dropped some cheese dip on the keyboard, but not the keys, how slick am i

anywho, so i think that was pretty much it in the last entry, EXCEPT i got my schedule that day and was all excited and such. UNTIL

wednesday-i get a call from my guidance counselor, and so wow i have summer work for my AP class which i guess they just couldnt tell me about in july when they told me i could come and everything. so she mails the work to me

no idea what i did thursday, i guess nothing important? oh wait..i think i cleaned my room, all day, bc it was bad, like..really bad..lol, wait and i think i babysat

friday-actually got the work, but have no idea how to do ANY of it. and there wasnt even a booklist so i couldnt go and at least get the book. but friday i did go to the mall with ashley and got most of my school shopping done, until i of course get my dad to pay for a lot of long sleeve shirts and such bc thats wrong for him not to have to pay for anything at all, and im jsut so sick of him but thats all we'll say on that subject

saturday was my moms birthday, we went to the clam bake, then i went home, got picked up to babysit, spent the night there

sunday-came home for a while but went back to the ppl's house that i babysit for bc the middle child was having a birthday party. hes 4, and a terror. one time he chased me around with a pizza slicer until i started chasing him to get it. and my mom bought him a hammer and such for his birthday party, and so basically i can see him now pounding his little sister with it instead of nails.

monday-my moms first day back to school, so i had to babysit the boys in the morning. i still couldnt get a hold of my teacher, it was horrible. but anywho, i dont remember what i did

tuesday-finally got an email from the teacher, called him at school. and he is now officially my favorite teacher bc he dropped the books off in my mailbox and gave me an extension, sorta. but during the day, befor ei got the books and such i helped out at the property with my mom

wednesday-again had to babysit the boys, third day in a row, im going to strangle them very soon. my mom came home like..i dont know ish, we had dinner, then i went to katie's house with jenny for the night.

today/thursday-jenna came over this morning, picked out what im to wear for the first day of school, because im a loser like that and asked her to, lol. we talked for a while, and she had to go bc she had a million and one things to do today, and iv been doing history all day, much fun. liz is all telling me how much ineed to get done by what time and everything, its great..lol. oh yea and i had to watch my brothers yet again, and they were throwing tomatoes at my window, can you tell how much they listen to me? not at all thats what i thought. and so im ebing picked up at 4 30 to babysit, again, which is fine bc i like the money. i should really go down to the trolley, bc jim said they were gonna let me work part time and such and then id have a job for next year and get some more money for my car, bc i have to have a certain amount before i can get my liscense next year. which is going ok i suppose.

ok so i figure thats a long enough update and i should really get back to my history until i get picked up, meh